Random ramblings from my beer soaked melon about politics, religion, sex, stupidities, nature, and any other subject that penetrates the haze. Sometimes crude and not for the faint of heart or people with normal intelligence, or an abundance of common sense.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.


Now I know how to survive as a housewife.
 
posted by Nit Wit at 9:30 PM | Permalink |


10 Comments:


  • At 2:11 AM, Blogger yellowdog granny

    i like number 8....story of my life..

     
  • At 10:52 AM, Blogger Kalibitch

    there are GREAT! i really need to try number 5. As for number 8 - i've never had delusions of normality.

     
  • At 11:06 AM, Blogger Nit Wit

    I like number 2 and number 8. I thought number 8 was a fact of life and number 2 would make me need number 4.

     
  • At 3:36 PM, Blogger 74WIXYgrad

    Yes, I think number 8 says it all. And Mrs74 won't me try number 3.

     
  • At 10:48 PM, Blogger Liquid

    Now these are "Smarts"!

     
  • At 8:26 AM, Blogger Big Tex

    #9 should be changed to read, "If you can't fix it with a hammer, you haven't been trying hard enough."

     
  • At 4:24 PM, Blogger Woozie

    Come on, what man can honestly say he has never peed in the sink?

     
  • At 8:34 AM, Blogger billy pilgrim

    i've never peed in my own sink.

    i'd rethink #7. wd 40 is the work of satan that's being promoted by some old prick named bbc.

     
  • At 1:37 PM, Blogger yellowdog granny

    billy pilgrim...i love's ya
    someone else is finally catching onto bbc

     
  • At 1:43 PM, Blogger Nit Wit

    So who's sink did you pee in Billy?
    I know about BBC I just don't want him to know I know.