Random ramblings from my beer soaked melon about politics, religion, sex, stupidities, nature, and any other subject that penetrates the haze. Sometimes crude and not for the faint of heart or people with normal intelligence, or an abundance of common sense.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
BOOBY PRIZE (Reprinted from 8/16/06)
This is a repost because I'm too lazy to come up with another on the subject.



Find beauty not only in the thing itself but in the pattern of the shadows, the light and dark which that thing provides.
Junichiro Tanizaki


I have finally found a scientific study that I can get behind, and would not begrudge the tax dollars spent. Wouldn’t you know it was conducted in Germany?
I found an article on the web (stole from some blog) written by Jonathan Hayter. I have no idea where it was published.

In a 5 year study of 200 men (lucky bastards) Dr. Karen Weatherby wrote in the New England Journal of Medicine: “Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well endowed female was roughly the equivalent of a 30 minute aerobics workout.”

They found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful. It also showed that engaging in this activity a few minutes a day cuts the risk of a stroke or heart attack in half, and the average man can extend his life four to five years.






It occurs to me that women looking at hot guys must have the same results.

I guess this means that when that woman tells you to stop staring at her boobs she is really telling you to drop dead.






In sad news today the Arlington Texas School Board added an amendment to the student dress code. It reads, in part, the display of cleavage is unacceptable. Low cut blouses, tops, sweaters, etc. with plunging necklines are not allowed.

Granted some of the clothes that are sold today targeted at young women frankly make them look like hookers but I can’t help think that they may have gone too far. They have already in most schools banned hot pants, mini skirts and halter tops.
Frankly if this was happening in the early 70’s when I went to high school I would have almost no incentive to stay in school.

“It’s gotten bad enough that, unfortunately, our young males are looking at more than their English book, their speech book, their science book,” says school board president Sherri Wade. “And, it’s kind of nice to have something left to the imagination.”

I think this might be another effort to undermine the long term health and fitness of our nation’s youth.

Frances Henson, an Arlington parent said, “I’m thinking that our daughters are growing up a little bit too fast these days.”
Someone should tell her that her parenting ideas are going to cause her daughter to resent her and grow up quicker in spite of her efforts.

Most parents agree with the change while some worry that it could be a challenge to enforce. I agree as it would require male teachers to examine the cleavage of all the female students.


Well, I think I’m going to go and get in my Super Workout! Be back in 10 minutes or so.


 
posted by Nit Wit at 10:10 AM | Permalink | 6 comments
TO GOOD TO PASS UP

I found this here

Board Of Wisdom




MOUSE BALLS:

I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.....This apparently was a real memo sent out by a computer company to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The word is that the engineers literally rolled on the floor!
(Especially note the last couple of sentences.)

Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.

Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball
removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the
mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls
are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can
result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.


SO, is you a man or a mouse?





This is what I use...


 
posted by Nit Wit at 1:49 AM | Permalink | 2 comments
Sunday, January 27, 2008
I always loved this quote



Try this link.



Just remember there are usually two parts to the selection.
 
posted by Nit Wit at 9:45 AM | Permalink | 3 comments
Thursday, January 24, 2008
UNDERREPORTED UFOS

They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.
Francis Bacon

I’m sure most of you read or heard the CNN story a week or so ago about the dozens of people in Stephenville Texas who reported seeing what many of them thought was a UFO. Then there were the people who thought it was a sign of the end of times. I bet The Gump would fit right in with this group.

The more rational people reported seeing a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. One fella said it was a mile long and half a mile wide.
Federal officials said there was a logical explanation. Must have been an Airplane.

I read this on 1/15/08 and for several days something about the story kept bugging me.
When I say I read it the truth is I scanned it to get the main points. I finally went back to the copy I printed and read it more closely and there it was.

“People in several towns who reported who reported seeing it over several weeks have offered similar descriptions of the object.”

That was a strange thing to bury in the middle of a story that wasn’t getting much play anywhere. If I was the editor the fact that there had been sightings around the area for several weeks would have been the story. So I did a little search and found something strange.

Dublin, Texas. Home of the real Dr. Pepper, about the same date as the Stephenville sightings.
Ricky Sorrells saw a large flat metallic object hovering over the pasture behind his house. When he told his friends they made fun of him. He said he’s seen the object several times. Must be a weather balloon.

Hico, Texas 11/17/07
Unnamed witnesses reported seeing a bright red light in the night sky at their ranch at about 4 AM.
It traveled very fast and at extreme angles left, right, up, down, and then return to its original position. When they tried to take pictures it didn’t capture it. Taking pictures of the night sky came out fine though. Obviously a case of swamp gas. Are there any swamps near Hico Texas?

McKenney, Texas. 12/13/07
Lisa and her husband while driving at night saw a bright green flash in the sky. Not much it could be other than an alien invasion. The Men in Black will mobilize at once.

Comanche, Texas. 1/08/08
Another case of seeing bright red lights in the shy moving very fast and stopping turning white and separating into two. Maybe someone’s laser pointer shining on an errant weather balloon.

Denton, Texas. 1/11/08
Another unnamed source, go figure. Observed while driving home early in the morning bright white lights traveling at eye level and about 30 miles an hour. It hugged the shore line and the witness slowed down and observed the craft as it went past. It made no sound at all and appeared to be metallic with panels and what seemed to be a canopy and on the bottom three bright white lights. Must have been some kid’s science fair experiment.

Fort Sam Houston Army Base 1/17/08
Someone who lives outside the base. I can’t understand why their so shy.
Observed a Giant pyramid with lights about 300 feet in the air. It was traveling slowly and had no wings. They observed it landing either on the base or just off it, but in that case it would have landed on houses. Must have been smoking something pretty good.

There was another thing I noticed but only after I went and played with Google Maps for a while. I am a visual soul.















After looking at the map I noticed that West Texas is not very far from all these sightings.

Jackiesue and Babs must not be looking at the night sky enough.

I also noticed that Crawford home of the western white house is in the same area.

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed but The Gump hasn’t been spending much time there lately. I guess he cleared enough brush. Must have cleared enough to make a nice parking space for some swamp gas or a weather balloon.

Then again maybe they are afraid of all the non UFOs people have been seeing in the area.

Then again, I could as always be full of shit.

Now, Back to Stephen King’s Duma Key.

 
posted by Nit Wit at 11:24 AM | Permalink | 9 comments
Saturday, January 19, 2008
THE FUTURE?
I thought this was pretty well done.

NEW MONEY
 
posted by Nit Wit at 7:30 PM | Permalink | 3 comments
Sunday, January 13, 2008
NIGHTMARES AND DREAMSCAPES

Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions.
Edgar Cayce


DREAM WEAVER


There are not too many ways to wake up worse than screaming from a nightmare. If it has ever happened to you welcome to the human condition.

Just be thankful that you usually don’t remember much of it the next day. Of course the trouble is you also forget most of those really great dreams that give you the solution to all the worlds’ problems or the simple plan to make you millions. Don’t you just wish it could be different?

Be careful what you wish for.

Dreaming is so basic to our existence that you think we would understand it better.

Freud thought they were pathways to fulfill forbidden aggressive and sexual wishes. He always was obsessed with sex.

Later it was thought they were echoes of our efforts to work out conflicting emotions. Most recently they have been viewed as the unwanted byproduct of the minds attempt to make sense of random neural firing.

Some of the bright boys up at the University of Wisconsin at Madison who were looking for grants to keep them from having to actually go out and find real jobs convinced someone to pay them to find out what happens when you don’t dream.

Of course to study human dreaming they decided to use rats as their test subjects.

Go figure.

They created tanks of water for the rats to live in. in the middle they put what they described as a flower pot turned upside down. They had a big hole in the center that the rats had to straddle if they wanted to sleep. The rest of the time they had to swim around in the water.

When the rats got tired they would lay across the pot and sleep. When they went into REM sleep (the type of sleep where you dream) their bodies would relax and they would fall through the hole and wake up. So every time they started to dream they got dunked and woke up.

So the evil scientists figured out a way to stop dreaming without depriving the subjects of normal sleep. Glad I’m not a rat.

Every rat (and supposedly people) is born with a set of instinctive reactions that help them survived threatening situations. The classic fight or flight reactions.

They found that after being deprived of dreams the rats when put through tests of their instinctive reactions failed them. If put down in an open area they did not scurry to safety but just wandered around exposed. When shocked they stopped for a second and then went about their rat business. When confronted with a foreign object in their burrow, they didn’t bury it; instead they groomed themselves. All these actions would have made them easy pray.

The big surprise came when they gave the rats amphetamines and put through the tests again; nothing changed. If failure of the instinctive reactions was due to sleep deprivation the amphetamines would correct the problem, but that didn’t happen. The rats weren’t messing up because they were short on sleep. Something else was going on.

I guess that means that drinking those energy drinks won't help if you don't dream.

As Harvard sleep researcher Allan Hobson puts it, dreams are “the noise our brains make when they are doing their homework.”

This new research seems to be the first that explains the reasons for dreaming in a way that will satisfy the many conflicting groups who study dreams.

I don’t know. I just wish I could remember what I did in my dream last night with that sexy young thing, and hope it wasn’t a nightmare for her.

 
posted by Nit Wit at 11:22 AM | Permalink | 5 comments
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
MEME OF MISERY


For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our cultural norms, even our cultural ideal.
Carl Bernstein

Well, actually from Kalibitch.

She’s mad at me because she tagged me with the 7 weird things about me thingy and I haven’t done it yet.

I have actually, a couple of times.

I thought about just republishing one of the others but I’m not sure they are on this blog

I think there on the old blog on Blogster. I wonder what my password is, hmmm.

  1. I am a product of the public school system. I learned early on that if I came across as too intelligent the other kids would start the hazing and shunning. It wasn’t that hard anyway as I was painfully shy. As a result without being aware of it I developed a public personality that made me seem dumb. I wouldn’t answer questions and almost never studied. Maintained a high C or low B average. The thing that I later found strange is that many of the teachers seemed to like this even after seeing my IQ test results. Maybe I made the other kids look like they were learning more. I have found that the same attitudes have followed me through all my working life. Most of the people I have worked with think I’m not too bright or show hostility towards me because I’ve proved I’m intelligent. That seems to be when the backstabbing starts.
  2. I have very little ambition. I have some talent as a writer, an artist, and can do almost anything I want with computers though I never seem to finish things and don’t worry much about it. I think that’s why I have been doing the job I do for 13 years. It is the same every night and it is really kind of a dead end so I don’t have to worry much about competition.
  3. I was in the Air Force for almost 17 years. I took cash instead of my pension when it became apparent that I was not going to go any higher unless I started playing their political games when all I cared about was getting the job done properly. That was also the time when The Gumps papa as a thank you to the military after the first Gulf War started cutting every people program and giving the money saved to companies like Halliburton and outsourcing a lot of the jobs that we did for ourselves. People thought I was crazy but I have been a lot happier since then.
  4. I like to drink beer and eat chocolate at the same time. I’m that way with other food as well. I like to combine things that have opposite flavors. I used to drink Drambue sp. which is basically scotch and honey.
  5. About 20 years ago I seemed to develop an allergy to wine. If I drink half a glass I get a migraine and have to stop. No other drink does this to me. I don’t even get hangovers. I miss my white Rhine wines.
  6. I am a creature of the night. I have preferred to live and always function better at night. I have worked at night for most of the last 35 years. When I’m off I follow the same schedule unless we go on a real vacation.
  7. I used to go out all the time to bars and movies and restaurants. I was a bartender for a while when I was in the Air Force and even worked private parties from time to time. I spent almost all my time with other people around. In the bars I spent a lot of time just watching others. I haven’t been in a bar since 1992 now. I don’t go to parties unless it’s one of the grandkids birthdays. Even then I tend to spend most of my time with the kids. Last night was the first time I went to a movie without my boys and the grandkids since my boys were born. I had to go see the new National Treasure movie though. It was great.

Well that’s it. It’s all 100% true (or just my paranoid fantasy) you decide for your own self.

Thanks Kali.

Now let’s see what I can come up with for you. :D

 
posted by Nit Wit at 11:20 AM | Permalink | 6 comments
Monday, January 07, 2008
FUTURE FAME?


Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

Subscribe to Fortune Magazine at a 76% discount!







I like this a lot better than the one where you make your own headstone.
I stole it from Yellowdog Grannie who stole it from Big Pissy.
I'm not telling who the goof in the picture is but his initials are N.W.

Well at least I posted something.
 
posted by Nit Wit at 6:09 AM | Permalink | 5 comments
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2007 DARWIN AWARDS


There are no shortcuts in evolution.

Louis D. Brandeis








You want to feel smart?
Check out this link and see if you recognize anyone.

2007 DARWIN AWARDS
 
posted by Nit Wit at 12:13 AM | Permalink | 11 comments