Random ramblings from my beer soaked melon about politics, religion, sex, stupidities, nature, and any other subject that penetrates the haze. Sometimes crude and not for the faint of heart or people with normal intelligence, or an abundance of common sense.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LIKE THIS GUY?
 
posted by Nit Wit at 8:56 AM | Permalink | 14 comments
Friday, May 23, 2008
HOW TO GET RID OF A ONE NIGHT STAND
 
posted by Nit Wit at 12:49 PM | Permalink | 15 comments
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
STAY TUNED
I feel a rant coming on.
The labor pains are about 6 minutes apart.
Too many assholes not enough time.
It won't be long now...





Who's your favorite asshole?
 
posted by Nit Wit at 1:56 PM | Permalink | 5 comments
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT




It's a sick world and I'm a happy guy.
 
posted by Nit Wit at 11:32 PM | Permalink | 6 comments
Saturday, May 17, 2008
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.


Now I know how to survive as a housewife.
 
posted by Nit Wit at 9:30 PM | Permalink | 10 comments
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I SURE DO LIKE THIS GUY


Too bad he's going to be the first one taken to the internment camp when marshal law is declared.
 
posted by Nit Wit at 10:29 AM | Permalink | 5 comments
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
VEGAN LIFESTYLE.


They didn't even talk about the health benefits of a Vegan lifestyle.
And now a bonus.

SHAKY OLD LADIES

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly
enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her
feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for
support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk: “Dddooo youuuu hhhave
dddddiilllldosss?”

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out
laughing, replies: “Yes we do have dildos.
Actually we carry many different models.”

The old woman then asks: “Dddddoooo yyyouuuu
ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss
ththiick aand rrunns by bbaatteries?

The clerk responds, “Yes we do.”

She asks: ” Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww
tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ssunoooffabbitch offffff?”
 
posted by Nit Wit at 5:22 AM | Permalink | 6 comments
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
USE THE FORCE LUKE


This is great.
I am not looking forward to a sequel though.
 
posted by Nit Wit at 1:09 AM | Permalink | 7 comments
Monday, May 05, 2008
Likity Split
This is wrong on so many levels.






Brings new meaning to "I can lick anyone in the house."
 
posted by Nit Wit at 6:52 AM | Permalink | 6 comments
Saturday, May 03, 2008
STUMBLED SEQUEL
Jackiesue said she was going to watch Michael Moore's Sicko.
Just after reading that I hit that silly Stumbleupon button and found this.
I had never seen it before.
Sometimes Stumbles can be spooky.




Strange prison.
 
posted by Nit Wit at 8:05 AM | Permalink | 6 comments