Random ramblings from my beer soaked melon about politics, religion, sex, stupidities, nature, and any other subject that penetrates the haze. Sometimes crude and not for the faint of heart or people with normal intelligence, or an abundance of common sense.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I think I have the ideal partner for Babs.

I also found this picture that I think might be someone we know.

I think she dyed her hair to throw me off.

Then again I could be full of shit.

Get well soon Babs!
posted by Nit Wit at 8:50 AM | Permalink |
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
Abraham Lincoln


Secret Cat Diary

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...must try this on their bed (again).

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
posted by Nit Wit at 8:35 AM | Permalink | 3 comments
Friday, March 23, 2007
Great Quote
posted by Nit Wit at 6:30 AM | Permalink | 3 comments
Thursday, March 22, 2007
The New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet on his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say, “Eat me.”
12. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.”
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: “Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God.”
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
posted by Nit Wit at 6:32 AM | Permalink | 1 comments
Sunday, March 18, 2007

What's wrong with this picture?
Really look at it. Click to make it bigger
My favorite color is not as big as I would wish.

Tell me what you think should be the big color.

Thank God or whatever our money is being spent wisely.
posted by Nit Wit at 6:36 AM | Permalink |
Saturday, March 17, 2007
posted by Nit Wit at 7:03 AM | Permalink | 5 comments
Friday, March 16, 2007
Rember a nine days ago?

This is today.

I think I should put a life jacket on when I go to work tonight.
posted by Nit Wit at 5:51 PM | Permalink | 2 comments
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die.
Herbert Hoover

Around the time when I was hatched there were about 2.5 billion people on this sorry rock and roughly 150 million in the United States. Well there has been a little bit of progress in the last 50 years and now there are about 6.5 billion people around with about 300 million in the U.S. not counting the illegal’s that is.
In another 25 years or so there should be more than 9 billion people taking up space around the world.
To me this means that their will never be a shortage of people to piss me off. I just don’t know how we are going to feed them all.
Just look at how well we do now.

Speaking of being pissed off I find myself with more subjects than I could write about in a year right now and have to start being selective in the ones I spend time writing about.

Let’s see, there is the Libby conviction and the real investigation that is being forgotten about. You know, who gets to go to jail for outing Plame. I like what Libby’s wife said after the verdict. She said, “Were going to fuck them now.” meaning the people who set him up as a scapegoat.

Then there is the story that hasn’t gotten much press. There is a new way to profit from doing the bidding of the lobbyists. Remember the Democrats passed new rules to prevent the kind o things that have been going on in the Republican controlled Congress.

The new game involves inviting lobbyists to join trips and such for a set price. This price is a little higher than you might think due to the people who will be on the trip. You pay $20,000.00 for a $2,000.00 trip and the Congressman or Senator and their family pays nothing to go on the same trip. They sure are an ethical bunch now aren’t they?

Then we could go on to the Walter Reid scandal, but that story has been the same for more than 50 years. If you can’t go off and fight for Exxon/Mobile and other corporations you don’t exist anymore.

Then there is the growing list of Military units that have been deployed to Iraq three times. Even during Vietnam you only had to go one time. They are even sending wounded people back. I guess it’s better than being an out patient at Walter Reid.

Nope, this is all peanuts compared to what I read the other day, and it goes back to my talk of world and U.S. population at the top of the page.

Maybe you remember a slug, I mean a former Democratic Senator from Georgia named of all things Zell Miller. He’s the one who came out in support of the Gump and Big Dick in 2004. He was even one of the speakers at the Republican National Convention.

This genius has been speaking in public again, in this case to the Save a life Center of Macon, Georgia. He told them that the killing of unborn babies was the cause of many of America’s woes, including its military, Social Security, and immigration problems. He claims that we are too few because of the abortion policies of the last 30 years.

He claims that there would have been 45 million children born if the Supreme Court decision on Roe vs. Wade had been different. He went on to say that if those 45 million children had been born they would be defending our country, they would be filling jobs and they would be paying into Social Security.

Of course he doesn’t mention that the 45 million would have consisted of mostly unwanted pregnancies that would have put an additional strain on the social programs that have been cut repeatedly over the last 13 years.
The more poor people the more cannon fodder.

He should just make a switch to the Republican Party. I mean I’m used to them spouting this kind of bullshit. He is worse than most of them as he calls himself something he isn’t in addition to saying anything to get reelected.

I can’t understand why he didn’t get reelected. Obviously all the people who would have voted for him were part of the 45 million.

Maybe he should have been one of them.
Who names their kid Zell anyway?
posted by Nit Wit at 11:25 AM | Permalink | 3 comments
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Nominated Nitwitery
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright

If nominated I will not run.
If elected I will not serve.
If impeached I will not step down.

That is all I will say about Jackiesue’s nomination.
I don’t deservive it and can’t work up the energy to do a witty post about it.
Now, I just have to come up with something to take it’s place.


Let me see…

The Gump is down south making other people feel like they are his tools.
They do have their own touch though.
The Myans decontamanating a site that he visited is one indication of how the rest of the world feels about the United States.

So far the best suggestion I have heard is that maybe this would be a good time to build that wall.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I think I may be getting an overload on the Policital bullshit meter. I am starting to think that I have been dreaming about what has been going on in Washington lately.
My greatest fear is that I am sane and the stuff I have been following lately is really happening.

Thanks for the honor JS but I have no need for the Kudos. I must be the 6th person nominated. That means I don’t count.

Oh, This is what my back yard looked like this week.

The only time I can wish I was in Texas. :)
posted by Nit Wit at 12:29 PM | Permalink | 7 comments
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Ten soldiers wisely led will beat a hundred without a head.

It’s the end of an era.

The world will never be the same.

The Swiss, The makers of fine watches and holy cheese have finally abandoned their longstanding neutrality and launched a campaign of conquest and domination.

Disguised as a normal training exercise the Swiss Army executed a stunning attack into the peaceful nation of Liechtenstein in the dead of night.

A company of Swiss soldiers armed with Swiss Army Knives so advanced that they didn’t even bother bringing ammunition for their assault rifles advanced over a mile into Liechtenstein, terrifying it’s approximately 34,000 citizens.

The 170 soldiers at this point were driven into retreat by the fear of actually encountering any of the local population and crossed back into Switzerland in disgrace.

The proud people of Liechtenstein in celebration of the victory over the warmongering Swiss were about to praise and honor their brave military for saving them from this terrible foe when they discovered they had no army to honor.

So they just had a party and went back to bed.
posted by Nit Wit at 2:57 AM | Permalink | 7 comments
Friday, March 02, 2007
posted by Nit Wit at 6:05 PM | Permalink | 3 comments