I never saw this one before.
From: OHIO, United States
About me: Lazy semi old bum with no ambition and even less motivation to fulfill my dreams or potential.
Random ramblings from my beer soaked melon about politics, religion, sex, stupidities, nature, and any other subject that penetrates the haze. Sometimes crude and not for the faint of heart or people with normal intelligence, or an abundance of common sense.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Who are Einstein and Picasso?
I stole this from; http://rofls.info/
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter says, “You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to, to sneak in. Can you prove who you really are?” Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really are Einstein! Welcome to Heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?” Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.” Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!”
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?” George W looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?” Saint Peter sighs, “Come on in, George.”
If he’s there I ain’t going.
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter says, “You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to, to sneak in. Can you prove who you really are?” Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really are Einstein! Welcome to Heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?” Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.” Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!”
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?” George W looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?” Saint Peter sighs, “Come on in, George.”
If he’s there I ain’t going.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
BACK TO NORMAL SORT OF KINDA
The Boss is home and back in control!
She was released from the hospital less than 18 hours after surgery because she was doing so well. I’m a little miffed though; they didn’t give her any of her stones.
As much as they charge, you want something to keep as a souvenir.
Well when I had my neck fixed they didn’t give me anything.
No pelvis bone and no disk from my vertebrate. Well, maybe if I ever need hemorrhoid surgery they will put something aside for me.
She wanted me to thank everyone for their good thoughts and prayers, even the prayers to other Gods. They may not have made a difference but who can tell for sure.
There are a lot of things I would post about if I wasn’t so disgusted by what has been going on.
The Gump finally accepted an invitation to speak at the NAACP convention and spent most of his time making jokes or talking about his white God.
The Pentagon is being accused of arms deals that are ending up in terrorist hands.
The Congress has been advised to sue the Gump fore his little notes on new laws exempting him from prosecution.
Lotsa war and no diplomacy.
We have a president who can’t keep his mouth shut.
I guess I should be thankful that they knew how to fix The Boss so I wouldn’t have to cope withal the silly shit going on without my base.
Back to Douglass Adams Hitchhiker books and blog more later.
She was released from the hospital less than 18 hours after surgery because she was doing so well. I’m a little miffed though; they didn’t give her any of her stones.
As much as they charge, you want something to keep as a souvenir.
Well when I had my neck fixed they didn’t give me anything.
No pelvis bone and no disk from my vertebrate. Well, maybe if I ever need hemorrhoid surgery they will put something aside for me.
She wanted me to thank everyone for their good thoughts and prayers, even the prayers to other Gods. They may not have made a difference but who can tell for sure.
There are a lot of things I would post about if I wasn’t so disgusted by what has been going on.
The Gump finally accepted an invitation to speak at the NAACP convention and spent most of his time making jokes or talking about his white God.
The Pentagon is being accused of arms deals that are ending up in terrorist hands.
The Congress has been advised to sue the Gump fore his little notes on new laws exempting him from prosecution.
Lotsa war and no diplomacy.
We have a president who can’t keep his mouth shut.
I guess I should be thankful that they knew how to fix The Boss so I wouldn’t have to cope withal the silly shit going on without my base.
Back to Douglass Adams Hitchhiker books and blog more later.
Friday, July 21, 2006
OPERATION OUTAHERE
Well The Boss is doing fine and the operation was successful. That nasty old Gallbladder has been banished to the hospital lost and found.
It was a short operation. The surgeon spoke to me afterward. He knows me better than I like being one of the three surgeons who ogled my second asshole Thanksgiving week when I was confined to this same institution. He admitted that he almost sent The Boss home to have the operation set up for later as they were overbooked like an airline. He told me he’s glad he didn’t because it turned out that her Gallbladder was in rotten shape and very inflamed and full of stones. We talked about the lack of symptoms until yesterday and figured she was having pain for awhile and didn’t say anything. She hates going to the doctor.
Anyway she is doing fine but in a fair amount of pain. She got up tonight and took a walk and that was when she decided to have a little pain medication. So they gave her Morphine and I went home so she could get some rest.
She feels bad because she was planning on making me take everyone to a Reds game this weekend even though I thought we needed to save the money for bills.
She might get to come home tomorrow but more likely Saturday as the operation didn’t even start until 3:00 PM. She needs the rest but wants to be home.
Thanks for all the nice words and concern. I think I’m gonna read some more of The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide by Douglas Adams. A collection of all the Hitchhiker’s books including the newest one called Mostly Harmless. Everyone in the hospital was remarking on how big a book I was reading. Then I would tell them what it was and they would go, OH. That was the universal reaction, and they all seemed a little confused.
Nite all!
It was a short operation. The surgeon spoke to me afterward. He knows me better than I like being one of the three surgeons who ogled my second asshole Thanksgiving week when I was confined to this same institution. He admitted that he almost sent The Boss home to have the operation set up for later as they were overbooked like an airline. He told me he’s glad he didn’t because it turned out that her Gallbladder was in rotten shape and very inflamed and full of stones. We talked about the lack of symptoms until yesterday and figured she was having pain for awhile and didn’t say anything. She hates going to the doctor.
Anyway she is doing fine but in a fair amount of pain. She got up tonight and took a walk and that was when she decided to have a little pain medication. So they gave her Morphine and I went home so she could get some rest.
She feels bad because she was planning on making me take everyone to a Reds game this weekend even though I thought we needed to save the money for bills.
She might get to come home tomorrow but more likely Saturday as the operation didn’t even start until 3:00 PM. She needs the rest but wants to be home.
Thanks for all the nice words and concern. I think I’m gonna read some more of The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide by Douglas Adams. A collection of all the Hitchhiker’s books including the newest one called Mostly Harmless. Everyone in the hospital was remarking on how big a book I was reading. Then I would tell them what it was and they would go, OH. That was the universal reaction, and they all seemed a little confused.
Nite all!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
HERE WE GO AGAIN!
The last couple of years have really been filled with new experiences for my family.
I won’t make a list, but let’s just say that we are all becoming very familiar with the local hospital, pharmacy, and our medical insurance providers.
I got The Boss up yesterday morning to go to work and she had a major case of acid indigestion. She went to work anyway and got sick and came back home.
While I was sleeping she called her doctor and he told her to go to the emergency room which she did by herself. I got up later and talked to my daughter and was told that the doctor had given her a sedative and she needed someone to bring her home. I called Emergency and they said she was having an ultrasound and would be back soon.
I got a ride to the hospital so I could bring her car home. When I got to her cubical the nurse told me she was being admitted and would have her Gallbladder removed Thursday afternoon. HUH?
Turns out the Ultrasound revieled that her Gallbladder was full of stones.
Funny I always thought that you would have symptoms for more than a few hours.
So, they had her on pain medication and as she is not used to it she was almost completely out of it. I’ll be spending the afternoon in a waiting room and hospital room and I’m the lucky one.
I hope we can spend a reasonable time away from doctors and hospitals after this, though I still have my wound clinic visits.
Next Tuesday may be my last one!
Like I said, here we go again.
I won’t make a list, but let’s just say that we are all becoming very familiar with the local hospital, pharmacy, and our medical insurance providers.
I got The Boss up yesterday morning to go to work and she had a major case of acid indigestion. She went to work anyway and got sick and came back home.
While I was sleeping she called her doctor and he told her to go to the emergency room which she did by herself. I got up later and talked to my daughter and was told that the doctor had given her a sedative and she needed someone to bring her home. I called Emergency and they said she was having an ultrasound and would be back soon.
I got a ride to the hospital so I could bring her car home. When I got to her cubical the nurse told me she was being admitted and would have her Gallbladder removed Thursday afternoon. HUH?
Turns out the Ultrasound revieled that her Gallbladder was full of stones.
Funny I always thought that you would have symptoms for more than a few hours.
So, they had her on pain medication and as she is not used to it she was almost completely out of it. I’ll be spending the afternoon in a waiting room and hospital room and I’m the lucky one.
I hope we can spend a reasonable time away from doctors and hospitals after this, though I still have my wound clinic visits.
Next Tuesday may be my last one!
Like I said, here we go again.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
HOTTER AND HOTTER
I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.
Douglas Adams
Things seem to be heating up in the world.
People are saying that the fighting that is going on in Israel and Lebanon is the beginning of World War III or even IV. The violence is getting worse in Iraq and North Korea is playing with their rockets and the Iranians seem to be involved in all the places where trouble is brewing.
Now, back in the U.S. everyone is melting. Well, in California it’s more a case of going up in smoke.
Now the Gump has put his foot in his mouth again. I wonder who decided to turn on his microphone. He really came off as a genius at saying really stupid things when he is representing the U.S. He also managed to piss off the leader of Russia with more stupid comments, approved by his handlers.
I would suggest that he stay in Europe but even Tony Blair wouldn’t take him in now.
Overseas embarrassments seem to run in the family. I mean his Dad did puke on the Japanese Prime Minister.
What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.
Jane Austen
Now, back in the U.S. everyone is melting. Well, in California it’s more a case of going up in smoke.
Even the U.S. government has stated that 2006 has so far been the hottest on record and yet the Gump still maintains that Global Warming needs more study.
Meanwhile, the new disaster relief drive, Ice cubes for Texas is getting off to a slow start. It seems that all the packages of ice so far have been high jacked and replaced with water.
We need to notify Homeland Security as it is obviously a terrorist plot.
It was in the high 90s here and after working out in the sun for 10 minutes I quit and went back into the air conditioning. I figure we won’t need the Ice cubes soon as the Ice at the pole that doesn’t melt will be floating by on the way to the equator and should cool things off a little.
Yep things sure are heating up in the world today.
Douglas Adams
Things seem to be heating up in the world.
People are saying that the fighting that is going on in Israel and Lebanon is the beginning of World War III or even IV. The violence is getting worse in Iraq and North Korea is playing with their rockets and the Iranians seem to be involved in all the places where trouble is brewing.
Now, back in the U.S. everyone is melting. Well, in California it’s more a case of going up in smoke.
Now the Gump has put his foot in his mouth again. I wonder who decided to turn on his microphone. He really came off as a genius at saying really stupid things when he is representing the U.S. He also managed to piss off the leader of Russia with more stupid comments, approved by his handlers.
I would suggest that he stay in Europe but even Tony Blair wouldn’t take him in now.
Overseas embarrassments seem to run in the family. I mean his Dad did puke on the Japanese Prime Minister.
What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.
Jane Austen
Now, back in the U.S. everyone is melting. Well, in California it’s more a case of going up in smoke.
Even the U.S. government has stated that 2006 has so far been the hottest on record and yet the Gump still maintains that Global Warming needs more study.
Meanwhile, the new disaster relief drive, Ice cubes for Texas is getting off to a slow start. It seems that all the packages of ice so far have been high jacked and replaced with water.
We need to notify Homeland Security as it is obviously a terrorist plot.
It was in the high 90s here and after working out in the sun for 10 minutes I quit and went back into the air conditioning. I figure we won’t need the Ice cubes soon as the Ice at the pole that doesn’t melt will be floating by on the way to the equator and should cool things off a little.
Yep things sure are heating up in the world today.
Monday, July 17, 2006
HEADLINE HUH?
Everyone should get their news however they want to and in whatever form they want. I'm not going to sit back in judgment of other people and the way they do it.
Jim Lehrer
I have a Myway home page set up and like most home pages I have it configured with news headlines. The thing I like about Myway is it contains no ads at all. I have it set with 4 big story headlines and then separate sections for business news sports and stuff for geeks, plus the best part, the strange news.
My headlines tonight were…
1. ISRAEL ANSWERS ATTACK WITH LEATHAL BLOWS
2. ISRAEL BOMBS PALESTINIAN FOREIGN MINISTRY
3. IRAQ OIL OFFICIAL SEIZED, 26 DIE IN CAFÉ
4. OREGON PLANE CRASH KILLS ONE, DESTROYS HOME.
Something about this grouping bothered me so I went out to some of the sites I can get detailed news of the world. I put my finger on what bothered me almost right away.
We have a headline about 1 person in the US being killed in a plane crash that destroys a house lumped together with three stories that could report the beginning salvos of World War III.
I guess the plane crash story is considered by the editors of the Myway page to be more important than all the other stories that are going on right now. Things like the California wildfires, the other deaths in Iraq and Afghanistan, the heat wave in the US, the space shuttle landing later this morning, The disputed election in Mexico which has the potential to start a civil war that would give many Mexican citizens the excuse of political persecution to stay in the US, all the leaders over there in Europe to meet and get their names in the news acting like they have a clue of what’s going on in the world.
Also on the political front stories about the ways the Congress finds to waste time without doing anything to make our lives better. Then there are stories like the one I read about the current speaker of the house who has taken more money from lobbyists than Tom Delay got and the fact that more hate laws are being passed discriminating against Gay rights and also freedom of choice for women.
I know that the death, and even the destruction of the house are the most important and devastating news to a small group of people but come on is it really up their with all that other news for the general public? Some people would say yes, because it happened to Americans.
I wonder why about 90% of the people in the world hate us and our way of life.
Then again I could be and probably am full of shit.
Jim Lehrer
I have a Myway home page set up and like most home pages I have it configured with news headlines. The thing I like about Myway is it contains no ads at all. I have it set with 4 big story headlines and then separate sections for business news sports and stuff for geeks, plus the best part, the strange news.
My headlines tonight were…
1. ISRAEL ANSWERS ATTACK WITH LEATHAL BLOWS
2. ISRAEL BOMBS PALESTINIAN FOREIGN MINISTRY
3. IRAQ OIL OFFICIAL SEIZED, 26 DIE IN CAFÉ
4. OREGON PLANE CRASH KILLS ONE, DESTROYS HOME.
Something about this grouping bothered me so I went out to some of the sites I can get detailed news of the world. I put my finger on what bothered me almost right away.
We have a headline about 1 person in the US being killed in a plane crash that destroys a house lumped together with three stories that could report the beginning salvos of World War III.
I guess the plane crash story is considered by the editors of the Myway page to be more important than all the other stories that are going on right now. Things like the California wildfires, the other deaths in Iraq and Afghanistan, the heat wave in the US, the space shuttle landing later this morning, The disputed election in Mexico which has the potential to start a civil war that would give many Mexican citizens the excuse of political persecution to stay in the US, all the leaders over there in Europe to meet and get their names in the news acting like they have a clue of what’s going on in the world.
Also on the political front stories about the ways the Congress finds to waste time without doing anything to make our lives better. Then there are stories like the one I read about the current speaker of the house who has taken more money from lobbyists than Tom Delay got and the fact that more hate laws are being passed discriminating against Gay rights and also freedom of choice for women.
I know that the death, and even the destruction of the house are the most important and devastating news to a small group of people but come on is it really up their with all that other news for the general public? Some people would say yes, because it happened to Americans.
I wonder why about 90% of the people in the world hate us and our way of life.
Then again I could be and probably am full of shit.
Friday, July 14, 2006
TIME SLIP
Time goes, you say? Ah, no! Alas, Time stays, we go.
Henry Austin Dobson
I looked at my blog and realized after a gentle reminder from Babs that it has been two weeks and all I have managed to do is make inane comments on other people's posts.
It's been a rough few weeks though everyone here is doing well. Holidays are the busy time when you sell bread and buns. It seems like all I have time to do is read Blogs and try to recover from work. I did take my boys to see the new Pirates movie. It was great! Relief is in sight though after tonight I am off for a week with no real plans.
I have the Grandkids for the weekend so I may have to go see that Pirate movie again.
I guess I'll have to suffer through it.
I can't believe that I actually fell asleep while commenting on a blog this morning.
Off to get ready for work, I'm so excited!
Henry Austin Dobson
I looked at my blog and realized after a gentle reminder from Babs that it has been two weeks and all I have managed to do is make inane comments on other people's posts.
It's been a rough few weeks though everyone here is doing well. Holidays are the busy time when you sell bread and buns. It seems like all I have time to do is read Blogs and try to recover from work. I did take my boys to see the new Pirates movie. It was great! Relief is in sight though after tonight I am off for a week with no real plans.
I have the Grandkids for the weekend so I may have to go see that Pirate movie again.
I guess I'll have to suffer through it.
I can't believe that I actually fell asleep while commenting on a blog this morning.
Off to get ready for work, I'm so excited!
Sunday, July 02, 2006
GIGANTIC GENUIS
It is a rare mind indeed that can render the hitherto non-existent blindingly obvious. The cry 'I could have thought of that' is a very popular and misleading one, for the fact is that they didn't, and a very significant and revealing fact it is too.
Douglas Adams
GIGANTIC GENUIS
Stop the presses! Don’t bother to nominate anyone for The Nobel prize in science or any other academic award. It’s no contest the winner is preordained. We may have to give all awards to Dr. John C. Ozmun until the end of time.
I’m sure you have heard of the good Doctor. His name should be on everyone’s lips 24/7.
He will have to beat women (and men) off with a very large stick.
Dr. John C. Ozmun, of Indiana State University and his co-authors who obviously wish they were a tenth as smart as Dr. Ozmun have done a study on the declining fitness in America’s youth that has had startling results.
Two groups of children were given cardboard blocks to carry about 26 feet and put down repeatedly. The real genius in the study is that half the children were given blocks that weighed less than a quarter pound and the others weighed 3 ½ pounds. Days later the children were given the opposite type blocks.
The results:
Overall, after an average of 10 minutes of carrying weighted blocks, the children experienced significantly greater increases in heart rate, oxygen uptake and energy expenditure than they did after carrying the lighter blocks, study findings indicate.
"Handling heavier objects, either through play or instruction, may provide opportunities to increase workload intensity in a benign manner allowing for subsequent improvements in children's physical fitness," Ozmun's group concludes.
I am absolutely stunned by this revelation. The conventional wisdom included such things as taking time to prepare healthy meals and avoiding junk food loaded with sugars and fats and maybe as a last resort getting them involved in activities that include running and jumping and climbing and other such dangerous activities.
However large the government grant was that funded this groundbreaking study it was a bargain.
All along we only had to trick them by making the toys they want to play with heaver.
I’m halfway through my design for a lead filled joy stick for my kids Play station and X-Box. Soon I’ll be so rich I will hire others to Blog for me!
Douglas Adams
GIGANTIC GENUIS
Stop the presses! Don’t bother to nominate anyone for The Nobel prize in science or any other academic award. It’s no contest the winner is preordained. We may have to give all awards to Dr. John C. Ozmun until the end of time.
I’m sure you have heard of the good Doctor. His name should be on everyone’s lips 24/7.
He will have to beat women (and men) off with a very large stick.
Dr. John C. Ozmun, of Indiana State University and his co-authors who obviously wish they were a tenth as smart as Dr. Ozmun have done a study on the declining fitness in America’s youth that has had startling results.
Two groups of children were given cardboard blocks to carry about 26 feet and put down repeatedly. The real genius in the study is that half the children were given blocks that weighed less than a quarter pound and the others weighed 3 ½ pounds. Days later the children were given the opposite type blocks.
The results:
Overall, after an average of 10 minutes of carrying weighted blocks, the children experienced significantly greater increases in heart rate, oxygen uptake and energy expenditure than they did after carrying the lighter blocks, study findings indicate.
"Handling heavier objects, either through play or instruction, may provide opportunities to increase workload intensity in a benign manner allowing for subsequent improvements in children's physical fitness," Ozmun's group concludes.
I am absolutely stunned by this revelation. The conventional wisdom included such things as taking time to prepare healthy meals and avoiding junk food loaded with sugars and fats and maybe as a last resort getting them involved in activities that include running and jumping and climbing and other such dangerous activities.
However large the government grant was that funded this groundbreaking study it was a bargain.
All along we only had to trick them by making the toys they want to play with heaver.
I’m halfway through my design for a lead filled joy stick for my kids Play station and X-Box. Soon I’ll be so rich I will hire others to Blog for me!
Trials and Tribulations
Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.
Helen Keller
I have to say it’s been a long ten days. First, The Boss had her little heart adventure and then my oldest stepdaughter who was 4 months pregnant has lost her baby.
She went for tests last Wednesday and they discovered the baby who up to then had been healthy heart had stopped beating. They had to put her into the Hospital Thursday and induce labor. It took about 14 hours but she finally gave birth to a little boy who seemed perfect. The Doctor thinks something happened with the umbilical cord.
He was Baptized Matthew James and we had the funeral Saturday. He was placed with his paternal Great Grandparents.
I really don’t deal with the emotional roller coaster that we all went through. I was lucky though, I had work during one of our busiest times of the year to help me get through.
The Boss was going almost non stop being there for her daughter to the point that I had to force her to get rest before she ends up in the Hospital again. She even did all the cooking for the wake they had.
I had worked all Friday night so after the funeral I came home and got some sleep.
As I said in a comment, I had had about all I could take of people and needed a break.
My Stepdaughter has 2 other children, a daughter 12 and a son 10. Her fiancé has a son age 6. They seem to be coping as well as can be expected.
I’m sorry, I know this is a sad thing to talk about but as Babs says, it’s my blog and I wanted people to understand if I have seemed a little stranger than normal lately.
Helen Keller
I have to say it’s been a long ten days. First, The Boss had her little heart adventure and then my oldest stepdaughter who was 4 months pregnant has lost her baby.
She went for tests last Wednesday and they discovered the baby who up to then had been healthy heart had stopped beating. They had to put her into the Hospital Thursday and induce labor. It took about 14 hours but she finally gave birth to a little boy who seemed perfect. The Doctor thinks something happened with the umbilical cord.
He was Baptized Matthew James and we had the funeral Saturday. He was placed with his paternal Great Grandparents.
I really don’t deal with the emotional roller coaster that we all went through. I was lucky though, I had work during one of our busiest times of the year to help me get through.
The Boss was going almost non stop being there for her daughter to the point that I had to force her to get rest before she ends up in the Hospital again. She even did all the cooking for the wake they had.
I had worked all Friday night so after the funeral I came home and got some sleep.
As I said in a comment, I had had about all I could take of people and needed a break.
My Stepdaughter has 2 other children, a daughter 12 and a son 10. Her fiancé has a son age 6. They seem to be coping as well as can be expected.
I’m sorry, I know this is a sad thing to talk about but as Babs says, it’s my blog and I wanted people to understand if I have seemed a little stranger than normal lately.